Thoughts I had while writing my first official publication:
I’m not a real writer. Substack is for writers. What am I doing here?
What is a real writer?
What should my first post be?
It should be entertaining, clever, and not boring.
Please don’t be boring.
I literally just said that I wasn’t going to nitpick and try to be perfect on this platform
Don’t try to be perfect
RECORDING 1: January 14th, 2023. Montréal, Quebec, Canada.
At home, sitting on my childhood bed.
I was one week away from moving abroad for the first time. I recorded this whole cover and told myself I would use it for one of my YouTube videos once I was settled across the Atlantic. That never happened. I just forgot it existed. Probably because it was titled "recording 72". But I actually love this song, and it’s a shame I never shared the full thing with anyone.
This song is called "Ceilings", by Lizzy McAlpine and it’s about the bittersweet feeling of daydreaming. About fantasizing and making up scenarios just to realize they never existed in the first place. Or to reminisce about things that were, just to realize that they’re now gone.
I remember being scared to death at the idea of living so far away from everything I knew. But also being excited for what could be, for what would come, and for all the possibilities. But really, I was scared of being disappointed; that reality wouldn’t live up to everything I had envisioned in my head.
It made me think about daydreaming. Why is it that we daydream?
Maybe it’s about preparing us for a certain eventuality? But then why would daydreams be so far from reality?
Maybe daydreams are here to motivate us? But eventually, when our expectations aren’t met, it’ll be disappointing, and therefore unmotivating, so that also doesn’t make much sense.
Maybe it’s about creativity, insight, or getting new ideas without the constraints of a realistic world.
Maybe it’s about comfort and escaping our day-to-day life. Or maybe it’s about something completely different. I don’t actually know.
But I do know and remember that something in this song brought me comfort. And now, more than two years later, I listen to this recording and am automatically brought back to that evening on January 14th and to a completely different version of myself; that once was and is now gone.
It’s crazy how sound can hold so many memories.
Hope you enjoyed this first post.
Thank you for supporting. It means so much.
With love,
- Marianne
